No need for words.

 Today is the day, after like a whole month, that I have finally come into terms that will never be there again. 

Sounds stupid, but the pandemic made me feel connected to them and I felt connected to my roots and the people I grow up with. And it made me feel loved and part of something, which made my staying here easier. 

Now I am back to be fully on my own. Alone. Kicked out from what I know and love. Or should I say knew and loved. 

It is hard to know that they have made this choice. It made me feel again not loved, and not wanted. Just the one that gone away. The one that nobody cares for. Why would I even want to be back ever? Nobody cares. Not just by kicking me out, but the fact that every time I have gone back they have continued their own lives without taking even 5 min with me, for me.

I might not be there my heart has lever left. Now I feel like my heart is being kicked out. Asked to leave without even talking. 

This how this has always worked. There is no straight communication. You behave a certain way until they can get the hint. And I have got the hint. And it fucking hurts. But they don't care. 

Nobody cares. 

So I will slowly disappear again. Into nothingness. 

I hope with this you can also get the hint that you are not welcome here. I will not be your free accommodation or vacation. I will not take time off from my work to spend any time with you as none of you do it for me. 

I have been kicked out with my connexion to what I thought it was my world. And it hurts. 

Let me now return the favour. 

Let me disconnect from you.